3 years.

I've had so much to ponder about today and my heart is so full. As I walked my beautiful little neighborhood today I thought about when I moved here and my life changed. 

Three years ago I met my best friend. We moved into the same neighborhood around the same time. I wish I could say it was friendship at first sight but that couldn't be more wrong. Well, this post isn't really about how I fell in love with my best friend so I'll skip ahead :) Joey had been such a blessing in my life since day one. I am so grateful that we became so close and were able to share so much. I'll never forget the countless nights of studying history and having those late night jam sesh. (If you haven't noticed I'm a complete sucker for a jam sesh.) I remember he would walk my dog with me and we would talk about so many stupid things. Joey and I have come such a long way and I'm so grateful that he was there for me during some rough times. I'm so glad that I got to go to my senior homecoming with such a great friend :) it makes me sad that we don't really talk or have much of a friendship anymore but I will always consider Josiah Toatasi as my best friend through some trying times. I wish we still shared that friendship and pray every night that our paths will cross again. I pray that someday he'll see that I'm always here no matter what. That I'll always love him unconditionally. 

Three years ago I was such a different person. I guess I lied about this post not just being about my friend cause that's all this is. I honestly would not be the person I am without this kid. He taught me that even though you may lose sight of what's important that you must cling to your testimony. He also is one of the key factors of why I chose to go on a mission. I owe Joey so much and one day I'll be sure to thank him. 

build the future.

Wednesday's theme was all about building the future. We started the day off with a game of capture the flag. 

All the capture the flag players. 

The oh so lovely green team :) that technically won all the game. The red team is a bunch of cheaters! Haha 

So the last day at the reunion is always fiafia night. All of us third generation kids did a flash mob to Beyonce's move your body. Never in my life have I laughed so hard! We did the exact dance as the music video. Now imagine a bunch of poly kids. Haha 

Look at these attractive kids :) all of us are single ;) 

My grandparents were unable to attend this reunion and it crushes my heart. So in honor of them we did a little skit about how they fell in love and did a little dance! 

So I didn't have much to post about this day and I'm feeling pretty lame but oh well :) the lesson I learned on this day was that while working on loving the present make sure you're building such a bright future :) 

love the present.

On Tuesday our reunion theme was Love the Present. We were able to go to balboa beach and play tons of crazy games. Okay so the thing I learned on Tuesday about the love the present is that life goes by fast. It was so nice to spend some quality time with my favorite people ever. We played in the ocean for hours and it is my absolute favorite thing probably in the history of ever. 

This is my awesome battle wound from being repeatedly thrown again the shore by the roughest waves known to mankind. 

Dani and I think we're cool. Don't crush our dreams ;) 

The sunset was pretty amazing. A little side note: Dani can't do a handstand to save her life but she's super cute for trying :)

After sunset we had the most amazing jam session and bonfire. Honestly, I have never been so at peace with life. It reminded me of when I was younger and all of us kids would just kick it. In that moment i really was started to see the bigger picture. Loving the present is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. 

I am so beyond blessed to have such an amazing family who teach me so much everyday. I am so grateful for the lessons that I'm learning. I am so proud to be a Purcell descendent and all the things that come with it. 

Love the present my little bloggers, because it will soon be the past that you'll honor :)

honor the past.

Today was the first day of our Purcell Family Reunion 2013. Today's theme was all about honoring the past. We started the day off at the cemetery and it really was such an amazing thing. 

Even though I have never met my great grandparents, Iese and Siai Purcell, they mean the world to me. They were all about doing things for the family and making sure everyone felt loved. It was so neat to be able to sit at the gravesite and hear wonderful stories about my great parents. 

We also were able to reminisce about the most perfect man who ever lived. My uncle Jerry Wilson. I miss him so much and I am so grateful to be so close with his children. My cousins are honestly my best friends which I'm guessing you have gathered from this blog. We seriously sat at their home watching YouTube videos for a solid two and half hours. I cannot imagine spending my time with better people doing anything more fun than this afternoon. 

I guess the lesson I learned today was that we need to know our roots. By honoring the past and asking questions about where we come from is so important. I am so grateful to come from such strong members of the gospel who are proud of the island they come from. I cannot imagine coming from a better family who stresses the importance of family bonding and things of that sort. 

Also, I think that it is important to leave behind a past that future generations will love and cherish as much as I cherish mine. It also reminds me that I am leaving behind a past that I should be proud of. My heart is full because I can say without a doubt in my mind that I am proud of my past. I wouldn't be half the person I am without it. 

I love you, Ma and Pa. Thank you for leaving behind such a beautiful legacy. I cannot wait until I meet you both on the other side :)

becoming a better me.

Tonight I got to talk to probably the only person who understands how I feel. I am so blessed to have such an amazingly strong person in my life right now. She shared a few things with me and it really made soooo much sense. 

She spoke to me about how i tend to sell myself short. I'm a girl, it's only natural. I feel like I need to be honest here, so please whoever reads this be kind. I have the lowest self esteem ever. I am always looking at the great qualities of others and comparing them to my flaws. This was sort of important to the conversation because I recently got out of a weird relationship thing. If I go for guys that are just okay and that I could be comfortable with then that's what I'll get. That's what I have gotten. 

I am such a young girl and have so much going for myself. I realized tonight that I only deserve the best. To truly have only the best I need to remind myself of how amazing I am. I need to not settle for okay because I am a daughter of god who only deserves the worlds greatest. This post probably makes me sound so cocky but this is my blog so if you don't like this... Get off my blog :) 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you want the best things out of life you have got to believe with your whole heart that those are the things you deserve. 

I know right now I don't think very well of myself but that is going to change. It won't happen over night but for now I will remind myself everyday that I am of infinite worth and I only deserve the best. I honestly believe that if you remind yourself, out loud, about your goals everyday that they will come true. 

I need to put myself first and that starts today. I think that at such a young age it's healthy to put yourself first. 

Take care of yourself, because you are your own worse critic. Because you deserve all the wonderful things life has to offer and nobody should make you feel differently. 

negatives.

So I've been encouraged to write down all the negatives about a recent relationship. That probably sounds horrible but It's to remind myself that I didn't like the way I was treated and that I can and WILL do better :)

So here we go:

-tried to date my cousin

-didn't want people to know about us 

-chose a not so awesome girl instead of me

-smoking pot and doing drugs 

-blaming my brother for your actions

-lying about how far we went (we kissed once, douche)

-only came and saw me when you were high

-taking my feelings for granted

-calling me every name in the book

-not letting me talk to anybody else

-treating me like I'm stupid

-having your cousins call and make fun of me

-showing me no respect what so ever

-always treating me like a second choice

-calling me a cry baby because I actually showed some emotions

-talking bad about me to other people

-bringing up things I told you in confidence to make me look dumb

-only took me out when it was late at night and nobody was around

-lying to me about stupid things

-taking my friendship for granted because I'm always there for you

-you never tried to build me up 

-were never really there when I needed you the most 

-your family intimidates the heck out of me

-you don't keep your word

-the way you treated me really was so crappy

-you made me feel like no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to be good enough for you. 

Those are just a few things why my  crappy. I won't blog about the good things because I'll always keep them so close to my heart. This post is for me to read when I'm having the toughest time letting go. 

I am a beautiful daughter of Heavenly Father and will be treated like one and nothing less. 

let go.

I've never fully understood why people hold on to things. I mean if it only tears you down why on earth would you want to keep it? I'm not calling anyone out except for myself. I tend to hold onto things for far too long. It's like I enjoy watching myself get knocked down. Jacked up, huh? Well guess what my little bloggers? I'm done with holding on. 

I tend to see the past a thousand times better than what it was in some instances. Sometimes I think that I hold on to thing that I want to happen. If that makes sense at all. In no way am i saying not to hope for good things, just don't dwell on them. For reals just live life being yourself and don't take for granted one single moment of it. I am so grateful for every single thing that has and will happen in my life. I feel like everything happens for a reason. I really think that when that reason is fulfilled then it's time to say thank you and move on. I'm not saying that goodbyes are easy or even fun but really don't punish yourself. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't hold on to people who belittle you, treat you bad, don't respect you, don't bring out the best in you and doesn't bring you closer to your goals in life. I've had a few people like this in my life and lately it's been a real struggle. I should have let some people go looooong ago. You better believe that I'm letting go for good. 

Okay, really now. Respect yourself enough to let go of things. You were sent here to live a beautiful life so embrace the great things :) At times you may want to settle and give up. Don't. You deserve so much more than you give yourself credit for. 

Let go, you deserve it. 

dixie rock & ulu

Tonight will go down in Polynesian history. We made plans and they actually happened :) I was able to go spend some time at Denny's and Dixie rock with the coolest cats I know! 

I know what you're thinking. All my cousins are brown and beautiful. My family just has some great genes. It happens :) 

I now would like to share a little bit more about one of them. The one person who truly has inspired me to write this blog and become a better person. 

Ulu Fano. This girl really is such an example to me. I love when we do our "confession sessions" and she listens with no judgement at all. I'm so grateful that she is one if the few people that I can trust :) Ulu has such a kindness about her that is hard to find. It amazes me that she only speaks kindly of those who are not so awesome. I honestly admire that about her so much! I want so badly to be more like her everyday! If the world had more people like her I think it would be a better place :) Nobody better ever mess with her because in all honesty she only deserves wonderful things :) I wish everyone was cool enough to have Ulu as a cousin :) Ulu, if you're reading this, I love you cuzzy! Thanks a gazillion for everything you do for me! 

Called to serve.

This handsome devil is Skyler. 

For the next two years he will be sharing the gospel with the people of Eugene, Oregon. I am so thankful that I got the opportunity to reconnect with this kid last summer. He is such an example to all those around him. I really am so blessed to have such an amazing friend making amazing choices. I'm really going to miss him. 

 I really wouldn't have survived last summer without him. This was the first of many epic adventures :) He's going to make an amazing missionary and touch so many lives as he has touched mine. This kid is definitely going places. See you in two, elder ;)

Superman.

This is superman. 

We've been through a lot together. 

 

Honestly, my dad is the only guy I will ever be able to trust 100%. Not a day goes by that he doesn't tell me he loves me and reminds me of my infinite worth. This might sound weird but I tell my dad everything. He is such a good listener and gives me insight on things in such a gentle way. I haven't been the easiest kid to raise but I'm so thankful that he has never judged me for the choices that I've made. This guy will always be my first best friend, my first hero, the first person to show me what unconditional love is. You're doing a wonderful job as dad because, well i'm darn awesome :) haha Happy Father's Day, superman. 

Love you always, Mooksterr 

tender moments.

These past few days I find you crossing my mind over and over. I go to the spot where you took me on our first date. Who knew that day would change me completely. Late at night when everyone is sleeping and the world is quiet I drive to our "spot" and listen to those special songs and let the tears flow on out. Everyone is telling me that I'm better off without you. I'm not completely sure how true that is because all I want is to see your face one more time. To hear you whisper those gentle words of kindness. Don't get me wrong you're a complete pain in the butt for the majority of the time but I still care about you so much. I guess I'm not really sad but I'm not exactly happy either. I am so glad that I was given the opportunity to be with you for the short time that I was. You have taught me so many things that I don't think anyone else could have taught me. Thank you for making me feel loved and special. I don't think it's possible for me to ever forget you or the things we went through and for that I'm truly grateful. I never saw you coming and I never saw you leaving either. Thank you so much for the memories. Thank you for the tender moments. Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to take a chance. Thank you for always being yourself. At this point in time it's safe to say I miss you more than I thought was ever possible. Anyways, thank you for basically everything. It's time for me to let you go now. It'll take some time but you've helped me realize that I can do difficult things. Take care of yourself. 

          XOXO, KK

Family. Summer. Love.

I am so blessed to be growing up with these ugly kids :) Yesterday we took a journey to the spillway for the first time. We were just being young and stupid messing around taking funny pictures like this one haha It got me thinking that I love the way summer feels. Especially when you surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. Who let you be yourself and accept it :) The way summer feels is the same way I feel when I'm with these fobs :) I love that we can do absolutely nothing and have the best time. These guys are my best friends. The only people I will ever trust with my whole heart :) I wish every family shared the closeness that I do with mine. I hope that as we grow older and start out lives that we will remain close. I hope that our children will experience the bond that we share. Seriously love these kids more than anything! I wouldn't be here without them :) 

             XOXO, KK

Once in a while...

Sometimes I wish I could be someone else. Just for a small moment. I have so many things that I dislike about myself and I know it's up to me to fix but it's not as easy as it sounds. I hate this feeling but have lately finding myself feeling this way. No matter how hard I try I am always falling short. Always disappointing someone. I'm sorry I can't please everyone. I'm really tired of apologizing for the way I feel about certain topics and things. I'm really tired of being treated so rudely. I just feel so alone in such a big world. I feel so over used and disgusting. Okay enough with feeling sorry for myself :) it feels good to vent :) I really love my life and I know it gets hard. Everything is going to be just fine though :)

Killing them with Kindness

Growing up is hard to do sometimes. It's hard to be kind to those who do you wrong but living in such a way gives you a life worth living. Honestly I've learned these past couple weeks that having a positive outlook on any situation is really empowering. Kindness really is the best revenge. So from my personal experience if you want to get even, you gotta get kind :) not that catchy but hey nobody reads this blog anyway haha. Don't waste time being angry at someone because most likely it doesn't effect them at all. Love your life for you and pray for those who wish to tear you down.